Its strange how I'd wanted so much to be here in the Netherlands to be with my love and realise afterall, I don't belong here. This is not home. I don't have a clue where to go besides going back to the hotel, walk past that hottie at the reception who will normally say HI. I don't have an idea who I should hang up with... should I start flirting with that waiter at the bar and maybe he can take me out when he is off duty? lol.. that won't happen! Or maybe hang out with my colleage - Sjaak who is more than happy to bring me out? He likes me. :) Or Worst, dream of what will mum be cooking for dinner tonight. All this won't happen and this has been for over a week now.
I finish work everyday to come back to a empty hotel room. First, I put on the kettle to have some hot water for a cup of hot tea, turn on my laptop to finish off my emails so my Singapore office can hear from me the next day and log on to facebook, twitter and surf the internet abit for any new happening. Then when I start feeling a little hungry, I'd turn and stare at that cup noodle waiting to be eaten by me. My love bought me 3 more so I can last the week... how sweet? Turn on that kettle again for some more hot water and heat that noodle up so I can just fill that tummy to stop it from groaning. Thats all I wanted, not that I am so into cup noodles.,.. I never eat them when I am back in Singapore. yucks.. I think I will do without cup noodles for the next 1 year after this!
And then I would shower... turn on the TV and doze off! Yes... nice? Whatever this is.... I am not in love with a life like this. Craps.. my friends are out drinking @ KPO and here I am... bloggin? lol
I reckon my family, my friends are back in Singapore and maybe thats really where I should be. When I need to cry... a phone call and my best friend will be at my door waiting for me to wail and moans over her shoulder. Now, I need to cry and that soft pillow lying on that bed right there would try to absorb that tears from my eyes if it manage.
Hilde is coming to bring me out tomorrow and that is really sweet of her. I am totally looking forward to that. At least it keeps me busy but imposing on anyone is the last thing I will do. I hate people imposing on me and I will not impose on anyone.
I am not complaining he is not spending time with me...he has a life here, just not with me. I am not his life, not yet, may never be. I am just not sure anymore... maybe its only a dream in reality that someday I'll wake and smile at the beauty of the sweetest memories we shared.
hahaha... I think I can write a book.. ever wonder how a love story like this would end? I wonder.....
P.S. Tears are words that the heart cannot express. xo
No comments:
Post a Comment