Quick Flashback of 2010 before its Gone forever!

So its New Year Eve... last day of 2010!! Ask me! Ask me! Did I enjoyed 2010? Was it the best year? What was my achievement? Am I happy? I am gonna recall what I did over that 365 freaking days of year 2010.

The year did not start very well because I broke up with the love of my life in Dec 2009. So 2009 didn't end well and because I did not get over my love... 2010 did not start well.

To get over my heart break.... I've visited my sister dearest in Dubai in Feb 2010 and travelled to Egypt for holiday together. That was like a treat from her, air ticket, accomodation and almost everything. She always buys me big present for my birthday but this year was the biggest because she knows how hard it was for me... I love You Sis.. you are the best!! kissess

Even with that trip, I came back feeling empty again. I remember having to cry to my BFF sammie, for the whole 4 months until one day she asked me randomly if I still miss him. I realise I don't anymore. That is exactly 4 months later which is April! I smile in delight.

In retrospect, I recall dating a few guys along the way, Mr P not included cos he has given up on me! haha.. he is totally a nice guy but just not the one for me. Other guys that I've dated are not worth mentioning because they are but arseholes and totally not in my league. Sorry mate! Just freaking Fuck Off! *OOpss sorry for that vulgarities* haha

Sometime in June, I've developed a special friendship with Chris. She is one that I can easily open up to. We partied, we cried, we giwe share many things together. Never did I think I'll find another "Best" friend since the day Joan left. Its strange huh? Best friend ... should there be only 1 Best? Or should Best Friend always change? At different point of our life? In my opinion, people change, things change beyond our expectation, therefore, friends come and go, but best friend stays for good. If anyone should give up on the other, that person will not be consider a bestfriend. Best friend don't give up on each other, no matter how bad the situation is. Unless, she sleeps with your man! That's unforgiveable...

So yes, I've found another bestfriend and my bestfriend keeps to 2! I'm glad I am not such a bad friend afterall. =)

Love u Babe!! xoxo

Ever since we got closer, she is always there for me. No matter how late it might be. She was just there for me last night while I was feeling so down. Thanks Babe... You make me smile again!

Then in September, my love decided to visit me in Singapore and that's when my heart melt again. Why ? Tell me? I don't know... its just crazy sometimes I wanna kill him!

Haha, and after September, everything was good. I'm back with my love, went to the Netherlands twice and will be going to Shanghai to meet with him half way!

So how is year 2010 for me? I think there will never be one year that its all good. But as a positive individual, I prefer to remember the good, nice things than remembering crap that might happen along the way. Nothing is perfect, we don't live in wonderland. Its the real world so face it... there will be people that came into your life and hurt you. But we gotta stay strong and give it a good punch back! Ehhh.. I don't literally mean punch.. meant to say stand up, pull yourself back together and go on. Life is too short to remember the not so tasty past. I'll only remember the sweet things. That's all I need to die a sweet death.

I may not have start 2010 happily but I have surely end it happily. I'm back with my love and I've found a lovely friend! Love u all!! xoxo

So people, we are going into a brand new year.. 2011! Resolution? Hmmm.. I've never kept to mine... have you? But there is surely one thing I wanna do! To learn the Dutch Language! =)

Happy New Year Everyone!!

P.S. Faith is ... in the time of unknowing, its having faith that sees you through to the other side xx

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Oooooo...
Somewhere over the rainbow,
Way up high.
There's a land that I heard of,
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow,
Skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream,
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
High above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow,
Bluebirds fly.
They fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
I see trees of green, red roses too.
I watch them bloom for me and you.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.
Well, I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white.
The brightness of day and light, darkness of night.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.
The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky,
Are also on the faces of people passin' by.
I see friends shakin' hands, saying "How do you do!"
They're really sayin' "I love you."
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow.
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.
Someday I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
High above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow,
Way up high.
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
Oooooo...

P.S. Dreams do come true.... *I super love this song*

Had A Rockin' Christmas @ Boiler!

Merry Christmas People!!!!

So its Christmas!! That for Singaporean.... its PARTY TIME! Generally, Singaporean are Chinese from a distance. We are not from China but we are Chinese living in a multi-cultural city - Singapore, with Indians, Malays, Chinese and also other races from all over the world. But our roots are chinese, therefore, we celebrate Chinese New Year as a big thing, almost like traditionally. Unfortunately... for me, I dislike Chinese New Year and also dislike the traditions that I had to follow. Not that I am trying to be "Ang Mo" but I have a life story to tell which I'd prefer to skip for now.

Back to Christmas... as I was saying.. christmas is not at all traditional in Singapore. Besides church goers that would visit the church and celebrate by dining and enjoying the fellowship of the fellow christians.... the buddist, hindus, malays.. they have fun during Christmas.. just plain partying and indulging on food! Totally no meaning behind it. Its just christmas, a time to party. Thats for the younger people. And they older folks would normally smile at it like an additional public holiday for rest.

But for the Europeans its a big thing. And from what I know, shops and pubs are closed and everyone will celebrate christmas at home with their family and love ones. No one is Clubbing! Everything is done at home...

And me.... being a Singaporean and living in Singapore... I've obviously Clubbed! Its not a compulsary thing to club but this year I decide I would party with my 2 best girlfriends, Sammie & Chris! I've been away more than 2 weeks and its really good to be able to wind down with them. Bliss!

The 3 Angels!

I enjoyed myself thoroughly. There was a point I couldnt control my tear on the 1st hour of Christmas Day. Sammie could see through my eyes that I wasn't happy no matter how much I tried to hide. She asked if I was okay. Although deep in me I know I wasnt ok... I told her I am fine with a smile. Then I asked: what do you think? Am I ok? She said: "No.. you are not ok!" Her replied send tears rolling down. I give her a hug and started tearing. Part of the reason why I teared was because I am missing my love real bad and honestly I am not happy. The main reason that set me tearing was because even though I havent speak with Sammie on a day to day basis... she could see through me. She read me without me telling her. She read me without me showing any signs of unhappiness. How can 1 person be dancing and smiling and yet be unhappy? But yes, I was... totally unhappy. I am really touched by the closeness between me and her... we don't have to speak... our hearts speaks to each other! And best of all, nothing change! This did not just happen... it has happen afew times. Its amazing and also scary to have someone that knows you so well! But I can only feel close to her... someone I can lean upon with my deepest secrets. Love u Babe!

Chris & Me - Love her Much!

Chris on the other hand was totally dead drunk by the end of the night. We had to literally carry her home. It hurts to see someone you love so much to be in a state like this. So yes, I felt a little sad to see her getting so wasted. Why must life be so hard? Ok... I know that's abit random for you but I won't elaborate! Well, Chris is also an angel, she will always be there for me when I needed her. And the best part of it, we love spending time together, we will sit at a kopitiam for 2 hours just chatting! Who can? Omg that sounds so "Uncle"! hahas... but yes, thats me and Chris, we chat non-stop, about anything under the sky and trust me.. its really everything! Silly jokes keeps us going... and relax our already wounded heart. So yes.. she is one I cant do without!

P.S. I am learning to "get used" to it now....

Good Bye Netherlands

Once again... I am leaving Netherlands... leaving the love of my life... not having a clue the changes that may take place in months to come. Yes I will be back but who can tell the future? No one can.

Uncertainty, depression and a total confusion of what lies ahead of me is flooding my already big brain. Thats alot to take... trust me. The phrase "What if" keeps ringing in my brain.. Not the best melody I look for.

I cannot control the tears from rolling down my cheeks, no matter how hard I try to wipe them away, my face is still wet. And all these? No one is here... not a single soul. I am on my own.

Its painful each time this happen and we are suppose to "get used to it"~! FML! Will I really see light at the end of the tunnel? Is there really light waiting right there for me? Is it going to be a happy ending? Or am I only living my dream and someday I will be awake?


I have no intention to give up... not after what we went through. Not when I know this is the life i wanted. I know I will fight this and it doesn't matter if I lose in the end. Doesnt matter if there isnt a light at the end of the tunnel. Doesn't matter if there is no happy ending. Living a dream so be it.

Good bye me love... Ik hou van je xoxo

P.S. If we don't make it.... at least we were once there.

Into the Wild - The movie

I was watching the movie "Into the Wild" on TV while in Holland with my love. I am a non-fiction freak... fictions are for entertainment and non-fictions are usually motivational and inspiring... so I prefer reading books or watching movies that are non-fiction.

This movie is perfect for me, its motivational , inspiring and most of all a true story of a young man that walked out of his privileged life and went into the wild in search of adventure. What happened to him on the way transformed this young wanderer into an enduring symbol for countless people. Was Christopher McCandless a heroic adventurer or a naive idealist, a rebellious 1990s Thoreau or another lost American?

I almost teared at the end of the movie when Christopher died. He was just pursuing his dream. But what makes it heart warming was the last note he wrote before dying - "I've had a happy life, thank the lord. Good Bye and may god bless all." He died with no regrets.

Christopher McCandless
Just before he died.

I watched with intense and totally inspired by the courage he had leaving his family to live in the wild surviving on whatever that may come..... it inspires on how one should live their dream and not dream their life. Living in a comfort zone does not necessary brings one happiness.

To me... Christopher is a heroic, he dares to dream and he dares to pursue. Some might feels he is out of his mind to even think he could survive with nothing. But along his journey of 2 years, he live... a life! A full ideal life in his context and that's what life is.

Some beautiful quotes from the movie that inspired me:-

"I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong." - Chris McCandless

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."— Chris McCandless

"Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past."— Chris McCandless

"The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences."— Chris McCandless

"If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed."— Chris McCandless

"Happiness only real when shared" - Chris McCandless

"...henceforth will learn to accept my errors, however great they be..."— Chris McCandless' journal from Alaska, written weeks before he died

I admired his bravery and adventurous spirit. Not many can be like him but the least we could do is to pursue life, live our dream and not wait for things to happen.

He inspired me.... I hope he would to many people out there.

P.S. If you want something in Life.... reach out and grab it! xx

Boring and Boring Don't Mix! LOL

Was browsing through some blogs and chanced upon this subject on Dutchmen. I had a good laugh but beg to differs. I am in love with one and I am having the best time of my life!


Just read on and laugh it off..... its funny! haha


Dutch Men

The thought of writing an entire chapter on Dutch men made us cringe because there's not a whole heck of a lot to say about these boys. They're not bad guys, they're just boring.

Strong points: well-educated, open-minded and kind. Weak points: everything else.
(That is so judgemental! haha)


Grab a Dutch boy and make him your best friend. If you make him your boyfriend, you're in for some serious frustration. Dutch men don't understand passion, romance or excitement. They lack imagination and fail to understand the fine art of present-giving.


My View : Stereo-typing much? I don't believe only Dutchmen are like that, its really dependent on the guy's upbringing and character. Talked about understanding passion, romance or excitement... I don't think many Singaporean guys are up to it too. But of course, there will be some that are. So.... do not stereo-type a dutchmen. Mine is a sweet thing!


Four Insights into Dutch Culture

Dutch Dogs
The Dutch treat every living animal well - dogs included.
(I think they loves cats... almost every household has a cat!)

Dutch Driving
The Dutch are courteous drivers and can most often be found pedaling around courteously on a bicycle.
(This I totally agreee.)

Dutch Time Telling Abilities
Sure, the Dutch can tell time. They're respectful to appointments and try to be punctual.
(And early evening is after 8pm! Got really mad with my love when he tells me he is coming early evening and only reach at 830!)

Useful Dutch Phrases (He Speaks English Better Than You Do)
What You'll Want To Say: How To Say It:

I don't want to date you. I'm not interested in a relationship right now.
I really don't want to date you. I have a boyfriend at home.

I really, really don't want to date you. Nothing against you: I'm a lesbian.

(Use it on any guy and it will still work!)


How to Meet Him?
The prostitutes in the display windows in the red light district are there for the tourists. You're not going to find a Dutch man there. The coffee shops are there for the tourists as well. Only something crazy like 5% of Dutch people use marijuana on a regular basis, so you're not going to find him there either. Being the nice guy he is, you'll probably find him in a nursing home. He'll be donating his time reading erotic poetry to old ladies.
(Now this is true about the prostitutes and coffeeshop but nursing home? Thats a joke!)

Tips for the Date
Don't expect your date to come up with some fabulous idea for a night out. Grab your city guide and come up with your own agenda. Bring your wallet because you'll be "going Dutch."
(Doesnt really matter does it?)

Impressing His Mother
His mother is a loving, caring person and she'll like you no matter who you are.
(I think she likes me.... lol)

Dutch Girl Competition

Dutch girls are just as nice and ordinary as Dutch boys. Boring and boring don't mix, so the girls are probably out looking for some French guy to blow smoke in their face or some German guy to tell them something isn't possible. So if you're after that Dutch stud, don't worry about any Dutch girls. They're not competing.

(Now this is funny! But surely.... not true.)

When You Want Him to Go Away
When you're ready to leave him, you're going to break his nice, little heart. Be gentle and remember you're ruining him for life.
(You will never leave a dutchie! Lovesss!!)

P.S. Strange how I am beginning to feel the pain of leaving.

Hotel + Me = Hot Me!

Once again... back in my hotel room in Amsterdam.

Its strange how I'd wanted so much to be here in the Netherlands to be with my love and realise afterall, I don't belong here. This is not home. I don't have a clue where to go besides going back to the hotel, walk past that hottie at the reception who will normally say HI. I don't have an idea who I should hang up with... should I start flirting with that waiter at the bar and maybe he can take me out when he is off duty? lol.. that won't happen! Or maybe hang out with my colleage - Sjaak who is more than happy to bring me out? He likes me. :) Or Worst, dream of what will mum be cooking for dinner tonight. All this won't happen and this has been for over a week now.

I finish work everyday to come back to a empty hotel room. First, I put on the kettle to have some hot water for a cup of hot tea, turn on my laptop to finish off my emails so my Singapore office can hear from me the next day and log on to facebook, twitter and surf the internet abit for any new happening. Then when I start feeling a little hungry, I'd turn and stare at that cup noodle waiting to be eaten by me. My love bought me 3 more so I can last the week... how sweet? Turn on that kettle again for some more hot water and heat that noodle up so I can just fill that tummy to stop it from groaning. Thats all I wanted, not that I am so into cup noodles.,.. I never eat them when I am back in Singapore. yucks.. I think I will do without cup noodles for the next 1 year after this!

And then I would shower... turn on the TV and doze off! Yes... nice? Whatever this is.... I am not in love with a life like this. Craps.. my friends are out drinking @ KPO and here I am... bloggin? lol

I reckon my family, my friends are back in Singapore and maybe thats really where I should be. When I need to cry... a phone call and my best friend will be at my door waiting for me to wail and moans over her shoulder. Now, I need to cry and that soft pillow lying on that bed right there would try to absorb that tears from my eyes if it manage.

Hilde is coming to bring me out tomorrow and that is really sweet of her. I am totally looking forward to that. At least it keeps me busy but imposing on anyone is the last thing I will do. I hate people imposing on me and I will not impose on anyone.

I am not complaining he is not spending time with me...he has a life here, just not with me. I am not his life, not yet, may never be. I am just not sure anymore... maybe its only a dream in reality that someday I'll wake and smile at the beauty of the sweetest memories we shared.

hahaha... I think I can write a book.. ever wonder how a love story like this would end? I wonder.....

P.S. Tears are words that the heart cannot express. xo

Dutch and Sinterklaas

I fell in love with a Dutch Man... and so I am suppose to be half Dutch! So I am suppose to learn about the Dutch Language, Culture, history etc... trust me this is hell alot of work! I am not complaining but I wonder why these Dutchie makes life so difficult! *Cry*


If ever I want to marry to a dutch man.... I have to first learn and pass the Dutch Language Examination and has to be endorsed by the embassy! OMG.. I have to declare the Dutch Language is probably the most difficult language in the world just as bad as Chinese which I failed ... big time. Again I am not complaining... just nagging! haha.. I will make it... If I want to... I know I can... so for a start lets do the common greetings *yawns*

Goedemorgen which means Good Morning

Goedemiddag which means Good Afternoon

Goedenavond which means Good Evening

Ok be nice... I know these are too simple for a big brain like mine but I am trying!

And then.... I learn from love that they were celebrating some kind of "Sinterklaas" which is similar to Xmas like exchanging gifts but no its not xmas. Its a typical dutch tradition

Who was this Sinterklaas?

At the start, Sinterklaas was a real person. He was born in the 4th century in Myra, Asia Minor, where he became a bishop as a grown man. Little else is known about him—except that he loved children.

A story is told about Sinterklaas to illustrate this point. It is said that three little boys dined at a restaurant and, after eating their fill, informed the innkeeper that they could not pay their bill. To exact payment, the innkeeper chopped them up into little bits and cooked them in a stew.
Nicholas heard about the awful deed and came to the inn to find the boys boiling away in the pot. He told the innkeeper that if he, Nicholas, could find one little piece of each boy that was good, he would perform a miracle and bring them him back to life. Now, what child does not have at least one little piece of good in him? And, so Sinterklaas returned the boys to life and took them into his care.

There is also the story of the three poor sisters. They were the beautiful daughters of a poor peasant. The first was very blonde, the second had raven black hair, and the third wore auburn tresses. When they grew up they fell in love with three pleasant young men. But the sisters could not get married because they had no dowry. That made them very sad. One night, as Sinterklaas was out riding, he looked through a window and saw three lovely, but sad sisters. And he heard why they could not marry the young men of their choice. He went back to his palace and gave the Grumpus three little bags. In each were a hundred golden ducats. He asked the Grumpus to drop the little bags into the girls' shoes, and an hour later they were rich. They married the three nice young men and lived happily ever after!

To this day children leave a carrot in their shoes hoping to attract Sinterklaas' attention and reward. Since then Sinterklaas (or St. Nicholas as he is also known) has become known as the patron saint of unwed maidens.

And so, the day I arrived in Holland 6th December 2010... was a day after Sinterklaas... my love bought me so many little gifts and I enjoyed every bit opening the little pressies... opening pressie is always a kid thing and once again I feel like a kid! Love it!!

Candilicious Candy!!

Hand Therapy for that Nasty Dry Winter!

Big Chocolate Letter J - Jess & Jos xx

Biggest Cookie Ever!

More Cookies!

(Trying to upload the pictures of my pressie but bloggin from a free wireless internet sucks shit! Hello? It says free... what do you expect?)

Death

Was on my way back from Dubai to Singapore.. took the Straits Times while on board and was reading the papers as I always would. While flipping through... I chance upon the obituary page... there was this person by the name of Alex Tham... I took a second look to realise he is one of my friend! I might not know him very well but seeing his face on the obituary page just send chills down my spine.... questions came flashing throught my mind.. What happen? Why Him? He is too young! How cruel! Oh dear god.. why must this happen to someone so young.

So surely, my flight journey back was not a peaceful one. My mind was full of him. Suddenly, I regret not communicating with him more. I regret not taking time to find out more about him. But nothing I do now will help with the regrets I have. I can only live with remorse.

I wanna positively think... Death is not scary... but when it happen to someone you know or even yourself. It just triggers fear. So yes, I think death is not scary. But death to a person this young? It just doesnt make any sense? So tell me.... why him? Cheerful and positive 20yrs old chap but has to give up the chance to live because of an accident. This is scary especially when you are not prepared to go yet.. not just yet.

So Death... is it the end? And if death is the end and we know not when we will die, so shouldnt we live to the fullest while we are alive. How do one consider their life is at the fullest then? If every minute we are alive we are closer to death.... then that only means we need to live to the fullest every minute of our life.

To live life to the fullest, one needs to be happy. Pursue happiness and have no regrets, no expectation for anything in return. Do good and dont expect to be repay... life will be alot simpler and alot happier. Smile at the smallest achievement, appreciation of everything around us. Condemnation brings negative thoughts.. positive thoughts brings positive energy. Be happy your love one is around. Live in content! That's life.. a full life.

Rest In Peace Alex.. You are now in safe hands...

P.S. As a well spent day bring happy sleep... a well spent life bring happy death. xx