Past are just Dead Memories~

Finally.. I have sometime to be at home and its a Friday! Cool much? hahahs

I just turn on my favorite song - Thinking of You by Katy Perry. Love that song to bits. Love her voice, Love the lyrics and the tune too. Sweettt~!

Hmmm... I've always been very random when it comes to blogging. I've never search for something to blog about or think through before I blog. It just come naturally from my "as it is thought". Like.... what is on my mind now kind.. LOL... i should just put them on twitter or fb? That makes things easier?

Ok.. my thoughts now? I've been thinking through of what happened to me over the past one over months. Just realise, I've not been the person I am. I've bend many rules, lowered my standards just cause of the people around me. Dumb or what? I don't know... guess its time I chin up from where I was and start walking straight, not that I did any crooked, but I should be what I am and not be someone I am not. I mustn't perpetually behaving the way I am not. I never drank beer, never did like them but now I drink every other night. I never stayed late nights but I did over the past 1 month. What have become of me? I don't know.

Oh well, I've slowed down things alittle now. I'm home on a Friday!! hahas... cool much? sighs.. dunno what to blog about lars.. boring can?

ciaozz

P.S. Why am I harbouring hope?

I AM BACK~!

Woah~ Woah~ I am back! And it does feel kinda good to be back! My last entry was Jan 26 2010.. wow its been a good 5 months!

So what have I been doing for the past 5 months? Hmmmm... *thinking*... still *thinking*

Well....... NOTHING WORTH MENTIONING! :) I'd rather moved on from the past and start now for a new ending.

So then, what should i be blogging about today? hahas.. its weird, I don't really wanna talk about what I was going through coz I dun wanna be reminded. Its painful, still hurt a little sometimes but I survived. I always do. That's coz I'm strong, I think I really am Strong! :)

I was reading through my past entries and wow did I realise I do lead a misrable life before. I don't seem to be happy since year 2010 started. And now that i recall the past 5 months, I wasnt at all happy. Superficially happy, yes. But am I really happy? I won't answer that.

I also realise I've had some problems with Joan in january.... and wow.. today is June 30th and no i don't hear a sound from her. Not even a simple greetings. I've done my best but I guess my best was never enough for her.

What else? Oh Mr P! hahas.. he is seriously a sweet guy. Its just kind of a pity that I never did fell for him despite how sweet he was. Goodie guys are just not my cup of tea? Sighz! I havent seen him since January and just recently catched up with him for dinner and ice-cream. And guessed what? He made me a scrape book of the time we spent together! Isnt that soo soooo sweet? I was honestly touched by his sincerity but still.... Nope, cant love him.

reading through the list of resolution for year 2010 and I seriously think i sucks big time with resolutions! I did nothing of that!!

Now, lets go through that damn list:

1) KNowing what I want in guys.- DOing good~!

2) Complete my Italian course - *Dang* Failed too! I havent even start! wth!!!

3) Moisture my skin every night - *Dang Dang Dang* Done none of it! I've been so busy! gosh!

4) I will not miss my Pilates Class - *Dang* Big Time. I miss every single lesson and now I completely stop going. :(

5) I will not go home early from work - ok for this, I was too too busy to be able to go home early. In fact I come home late almost everyday! errrs, maybe not coz of work but still :)

6) Weekly Car Wash - *Dang* Nope, never did. Once a month maybe!

7) I will not cry for another man - hey, wow, I have not cried for another man since! ok this I did well :)

8) Sleep before 11. *Dang* My foot! I sleep before 3am! shucks!

Arghhhh... ok whatever. I am not keeping to my resolutions. I'm just gonna do my best.

I seem to be rattling none stop without a plan. Sighz, yea i guess I don't really know what I want. Totally blank!

The KTV session last nite was kinda impromtu but fun! hahas. love that :)

Alrighty.... I m gonna sleep super early from now!

Niteyz Peeps! Lovesss! xo

P.S. How are you?

Everyone is Ignoring me.....

I've been feeling kinda lost for the past 4 days.. I am feeling that I've been hated by many. Reason? People that were close to me before are ignoring me.

Mr P began ignoring me, for reason I know and its super childish in my opinion.

Bestie Joan is ignoring me cause I did not visit her in the hospital?

Adriel is ignoring me too? For what reason? Tell me? I don't know!

Maybe I've not done my part as a friend. Maybe I am a super lousy person. I forget how to love and show care and concern for people around me. I sucks... big time!

Not that I can't be bother now that these people are ignoring me, but I get totally drained after work and I realise I don't even have time for myself not to think sparing a thought for others. Yes.. no excuse! Guess I've lost drive in life.

I wonder why I don't seem to have anything joyous to share... hmmm.. my life is so boring and miserable! ha!

Wanna share a song I'm so into lately.... such sweet songs but yet its not my song. But that's okay..... I'll be strong. :)



P.S. I miss you~

My Daily Love Horoscope By Facebook

Was clicking around applications on Facebook and found this application on Horoscope. I've been reading it almost daily and found that most of it that tells about my love life is quite true. This is what I read yesterday:

Your Love Horoscope
You may be going through a period, Pisces, where you wonder if you will ever really find The One, and this is causing some intense reflection for you. This is a good thing as it seems that some honest conversation with yourself is exactly what you need right now. You have tried many different means of meeting your emotional and romantic needs, but nothing of late really seems to fit that well for you, does it? It could be that you are not paying enough attention to the messages the universe has been sending you. Once again you have been avoiding a serious romantic possibility, and allowed your head to dominate your heart in this case. This is a time where it is time to throw logic out the window and just go where your heart leads, it is not too late, despite any signs that you may feel otherwise.

That is perfectly what I am going through. Mr P told me once that "I am too logical" because of the questions I asked. No matter how hard i try, I told myself not to allow my heart to take over my head and yet again when it comes to the matter of the heart. One should never allow the head to take over. But then again? Whatever? I don't know and don't quite wish to think what I should do next. If I cannot allow my heart to take over... it simply means my love for that someone is just not strong enough? Hence, why even bother?

Today, I went through some misunderstanding with my bestie. I know I've been insensitive to have not visited you in the hospital but I was truely busy with my work. If you are still in the hospital now, I would run to the hospital now. But you are not answering my call? I feel really drained. On one hand, my emotional roller-coaster did not help very much. On the other hand, I have a very tough job to manage. I guess I eat more than I could chew, I'm truely totally drained and washed out.

I read again on the horoscope today, and this is what it says:

Your Daily Horoscope
Late afternoon or early evening you may notice the positive turn of events, Pisces. There may certainly be signs of good hope as the day wears on. The main thing you need to do is stay in touch with positive people, and stay the course, even when obstacles arise: keep your eyes on the goal ahead (don't look down). You may need to give the goal you are trying to reach a little more time. Also, don't give up at this stage of the game. By surrendering events to circumstance, you may lose everything you've worked for.

I need positive energy! I yearn for them. Mr Positive Energy.. please take over me. I hate dispute, I hate trouble and I so hate having to explain.

Life as it is, is already quite tough. Sometimes in life, we need to learn to not expect anything from anyone and that is when we truly feels happy.

A friend of mine posted this on her status and I find it so true :

"Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.."

Again... this gives me alot of boost. I'm not giving up... I'm just letting go coz there are things that are not meant to be.

P.S. I love u still...

I just wanna be Happy~

Sometimes in life.. I wonder.. how do one find happiness. I chanced upon a song by Leona Lewis and really love every single word in those lyrics. Its beautiful. I mean.. really... how to be happy? Sometimes self defence and building up walls so that you don't get hurt and thinking that would make one happy. But still.. it doesnt. Taking chances and feel the pain, and does that makes you happy?

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose. You can’t have everything
Don’t you take chances, You might feel the pain
Don’t you love in vain ’cause love won’t set you free
I can’t stand by the side, And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy, But safe as could be..
So what if it hurts me? So what it I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
My feet run out of ground. I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound, Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I just trying to be happy. I just wanna be happy, yeah.
Holding on tightly. Just can’t let it go.
Just trying to play my role Slowly disappear.
But all these days, They feel like they’re
Just different faces. Different place
Get me out of here.
pass me by.. Pass me by
So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge?
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I’m just trying to be happy. Oh, happy
Oh So when it turns that I can see???This rope??Victim??Don’t say anything
So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge?
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I just wanna be happy.. Happy
I just wanna be.. Oh I just wanna be.. Happy.

P.S. Somethings are meant to let go. And you clearly know its time. So just freaking LET GO!

Crazy Weekend

Accepted another date with Mr P on Saturday... hmm.. I hope I'm not getting hook with this "OK Lets do it" kinda date. Or is it that I have no one else dating me?? Damn?

Well before the date, Mr P had written me a note on the bucket list of stuff he like to do before he dies. He wrote also on the note that he'd like that I do No. 1 with him. Here is No. 1 on the list:

No. 1: Leave yourself a letter in a library book. Look for it twenty years later.
Pick an obscure biography in a college library, since no one there wants to insult obscurity by decataloging a book, and the library will most likely always be there. One page. Be discreet. Type it on erasable bond, tuck it in the back, and hope that no one ever notices. As for content, skip the hopes and dreams. Mention the weather, tell yourself what you ate that morning, make a list of your friends, note how much you weigh and whether you feel fat, remind yourself of a secret you want to keep.

Upon reading the list.. there is actually some really crazy and funny ones.. but no. 1 seems like a fun idea and easy to achieve! I'd thought I did not mind trying it.

So we did it yesterday! Went to the library.. choose our personal book which we decide to stuff our note in it and sat down writing our note. I'd wanted to go to the central lending sections and this clearly tells Mr P, I am not a library person... he then led me to the reference sections where books are not for lending. hahas.. so embarassed!

We promised to come back in 5 years time (20yrs is just too long!) to check if we fulfilled what we wrote on that note. I'm not going to share what I wrote on that note but really I enjoyed doing it so much. I didn't think I would be that crazy to do something so unbelievable. No one would do that? But we did! It was total fun and crazy idea.

While walking back to catch the movie @ PS, we walked passed SMU with those shallow pool around the building. Mr P dares me to walk into those pool! Crazily... I did!! its funny coz he dares me but he chicken out! I've no problem at that but he felt totally bad about it coz I get my feet really dirty!

Hmmm.. ask me if I'm ready to accept Mr P... No I am not. I'd choose to still stay single for the time being. Life is good being alone! hehe..

P.S. Occassionally, you come to my mind. But I know this is probably best for us both. <3

Should I feel Lost or Should I move on?

My heart sank deep into the deepest ocean.. so heavy. It feels like a deep cut and the next I know, I feel my heart bleeding and dropping and finally I choked in disbelief.. bringing my heart back to where it belongs.

I've woke up... I should. I love myself too much, I will not dwell in sorrow for someone that have already moved on.

P.S. Go Fuck Yourself!!